Just today I was sitting in my living room passively holding the toy my dog desperately wanted me to hold to facilitate his need to wrestle with it - I looked down and there was a tiny spider making it’s way amid the chaos on the floor- I am the opposite of your story- I move slugs off of trails and redirect ants and catch and release mosquitoes within reason- it’s not because I am a naive elitist do-gooder- it’s more about empathy and the consequences of choices. Why do I get to decide who lives and dies?…If I have a choice in the matter- do I just kill because I can or do I chose not to because I can. What is more meaningful? Anyways. This small clumsy little spider was crawling towards me- it seemed maybe there was a missing limb (didn’t see cause I didn’t have my glasses on) but it was not moving as quickly as I would have imagined it should. It got to the old wooden chest I was sitting on and started crawling up but then fell and was dead-like for a minute. Then slowly it uncurled and started again. I realized I didn’t want to help - not because I didn’t care- but it was more like- I just didn’t want to know- I was having an aversion to it’s struggle- like maybe just relating to it too much on an energetic level. I got up- had neither the desire to put it out of its misery or help it’s journey. I said to it- you’re on your own buddy and walked away.
Just today I was sitting in my living room passively holding the toy my dog desperately wanted me to hold to facilitate his need to wrestle with it - I looked down and there was a tiny spider making it’s way amid the chaos on the floor- I am the opposite of your story- I move slugs off of trails and redirect ants and catch and release mosquitoes within reason- it’s not because I am a naive elitist do-gooder- it’s more about empathy and the consequences of choices. Why do I get to decide who lives and dies?…If I have a choice in the matter- do I just kill because I can or do I chose not to because I can. What is more meaningful? Anyways. This small clumsy little spider was crawling towards me- it seemed maybe there was a missing limb (didn’t see cause I didn’t have my glasses on) but it was not moving as quickly as I would have imagined it should. It got to the old wooden chest I was sitting on and started crawling up but then fell and was dead-like for a minute. Then slowly it uncurled and started again. I realized I didn’t want to help - not because I didn’t care- but it was more like- I just didn’t want to know- I was having an aversion to it’s struggle- like maybe just relating to it too much on an energetic level. I got up- had neither the desire to put it out of its misery or help it’s journey. I said to it- you’re on your own buddy and walked away.