Mania Made Me Do It

Wyatt Daze

The house starts to creak while trying to stand tall against Midwest winds 

I’m laying in my bed 

There’s a crinkle in my sheets 

I grind my yellow teeth and rinse 

With fluoride-free mouthwash 

From a glass bottle that I picked up from the CONvenience store - 

“What a waste of a week!”, 

I said with no sleep as the days drug into the weekend 

The calendar on the wall is wrong again 

I’m thinking about this photo of me that I stole from your nightstand one night long ago 

It’s now in my drawer under coins and empty lighters 

I cut you out of it, put it my wallet, but I lost my wallet or someone stole it but I don’t know anyone and I haven’t been anywhere except the liquor store, so I guess it’s probably there or where it was stole from - 

I wish I had a cigarette right about now and every 20 minutes thereafter because I don’t know what to do with my hands 

They’re idle and I fear I’ll chew my fingers off if I have another thought to touch my cock in the dull moments of bored/lonely existence 

Episode 10,950 is titled, “Where art thou Smokes?” 

I scrounge the cushions of my burnt-up couch and the creases of my car seats- I manically search my medicine cabinet for another hit of speed to speed up my search for nicotine- 

In the midst of oncoming sobriety and those terrible-rationalizing-thoughts -  

I pissed on stability and comfort in the alleyway of love to find chaos laying naked on pain street - “I think I’ll fuck her,” I said, regrettably. 

Coitus comatose and I was a bottom; she was a heavy bitch that broke my dick and my will to live - 

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I I

A grocery list scribbled in red ink - 

White noise in a void 

Bloodshot eyes burned by blue light only looking to see the remarkable 

Busted eardrums only listening for specific names and praises 

Ay, oh, another manifesto materialized because some confused idiot woke up, felt pain and chose violence as an expression - very naughty radicals and apathetic bystanders - who will make the world explode or won’t care if it does -

Manifest destiny - breastfed but your mom ate Bill Gates Beef before maternity leave- methane dreams and autism extreme… lgbtttttt whole vegan beef - you used to be gay, but now, you’re retarded. 

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I I I

When the exuberance fades, it’s like waking from a shallow grave after catching a big whiff of the old fairy’s chloroform elixir - weak, dehydrated, and ashamed of everything that happened before - Oh, the horrors of the recent past! 

I’ll go to sleep now that I’ve calmed down in fear of another trip to the ward, as I would meet the Lord, if that were to ever happen! Again, I find myself on the floor scrounging up change so I can go to the store to buy some Cheyenne cigarillos to smoke before my steep slumber-

After I scraped up enough change, I went to the store where they had my fucking wallet, so I used my plasma donor card to buy Marlboro Red 100s – I must consume 20 long smokes and a can of coke before I give up hope on getting my shit together - 

I slept for a week and wept for a month; 

I forgave all the terrible things I shouldn’t have done - but I made no apologies to anyone; for they all think I’m on speed- but I haven’t donated any plasma recently to pick up any amphetamines, so I’m just a bum who means no harm but to get high in hopes of everything turning out all right. 

I should be carving the pillars of my destiny, but I’m plucking feathers from my bedsheets after humping my pillow for 5 weeks - Talk about zoomies and being able to read like 30 articles in nanoseconds! If I had the money I’d buy all the things and only do coke on the weekends while pointing my fat righteous finger at all the porn addicts and drunks who are living in the slums stuck in their stupid slumps distracted and dumb - and I’d say, “get off your fat asses and fix this shithole” before flying off in my big private jet to have unprotected sex with anorexic women, who’ve never been in love, but know the love of money just like me with plenty of bumps and lots of mixed drinks! It’d be a grand party, grandeur departing from sea to shining sea, rich and free to do all the naughty deeds, but seriously, you all need help! 

And I mean that, sincerely- 

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You can find Wyatt Daze, Cole Holliday, whoever, on Instagram @deedeedazedepository