I have bad breath and so does my wife.
My wife and I do not brush our teeth.
My wife and I have very few teeth left to brush anyway, though we are young still and have, at times, been found attractive under the right lighting and the right social circumstance.
My wife and I don’t care about our teeth. We are alone and living in honesty. In a group dragon costume you put all your heads together, and look at what that does. Look at what you’ve done. You’ve made my wife cry, all of you looking at her missing teeth. I’m taking my wife home. We are going home.
At home my wife and I don’t wash our clothes. We haven’t washed them in years. We put Coca Cola in our Cheerios and are sedately drunk all evening. She is the most beautiful woman that I could get.
I have been wearing the same pants since the beginning of last week. We still have plenty of dish soap left because my wife and I leave the sink completely full of dishes and do one dish at a time as needed. Everything in the kitchen is exactly as it should be. A strong abiding confidence tells me that everything in the world is as it should be. I love my wife a healthy amount.
I fuck my wife twice or three times a day, and put more effort into my performance on Sunday mornings, her birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and the Fourth of July.
My wife and I are slowly becoming very ill with the symptoms of constant sitting. Our families have disowned us. I lost another tooth while trying to whistle, and my wife lost another one biting into an apple.
We only have one towel but that's enough for us because enough time always elapses between when she showers and when I shower that the thing dries off. It’s always just like new.
My wife and I are devolving.
I am overwhelmed by her perfection when we run inside out of the rain.
We grunt stupidly when we fuck in the elevators of tall buildings. We eat hot dogs.
My wife and I feed the ducks that swim in the concrete pond in that one still partly secret corner of the park. They are the most beautiful ducks I have ever seen. They swim like they've been hit over their heads with a hammer and stare at nothing.
My wife is the only woman who has ever lived.
There is nothing intentional or new age about her armpit hair.
Max Sweeney should be considered armed and dangerous.
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the ducks. the damned ducks
My wife and I are devolving